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Helping your baby cope with separation anxiety

Page added on: Sunday 24th of April 2011 at 01:46:39 PM

 

There cannot be many Mums who have not either experienced this themselves or seen their child suffering from separation anxiety. That horrible quick getaway when you drop them at the child minders or playgroup when you leave your child in tears and can only hope and trust that they will feel better in a little while. Small children learn about people leaving before they understand about people returning. They will pick up from your actions that you are getting ready to leave so the anxiety begins before you even step out of the door.
 
Of course it does get better in time but there are some simple things you can do to which may help to lessen the anxiety in the meantime.
 
Leave them with their comforter or blanky 
A favourite blanket or soft comforter can be very reassuring to a small child. If it is something that they take to bed it will have a familiar smell and represent security and safety. Encouraging your child to bond with a transitional object like this early on will help them to be better at self soothing when they are a little older. Make sure that they have this familiar object close when you leave. Babies love to stroke a soft object and it takes them back to the comfort and security of the womb. I’m told that I had a couple of old hankies that I used to carry around with me when I was very small and I’m sure that many of you will have had the same experience,
 
Practice helps
 
You don’t even need to leave the house to do this just tell your baby or toddler that you are going to another room and will be back soon; it will help them to begin to understand that although you are gone now you will come back. So if you know that at a certain time you are going to be away for a longer period you can work up to it and help to allay anxiety.
 
Ask the baby sitter to come early
 
Leaving your precious child with somebody else for the first time is stressful and although you may not realise it your child will quickly pick up on how you are feeling. Spending time together before you leave helps to let your child see that this is someone they can trust and gives both child and sitter time to get to know one another. If you are relaxed about the situation your child is much more likely to feel the same.
 
Leave smiling
 
Most of us at some time or other have done the quick slip out of the door when the baby is looking the other way in the hope of avoiding the tears. Just because your baby doesn’t see you leave though it doesn’t mean that they won’t notice in a short while that you are gone. You need to aim to let your child associate happy thoughts with your coming and going and its best to say goodbye even if it does trigger the waterworks. Try and make sure that there is something fun happening immediately after you’ve left. It’s very hard to see your child cry when you leave but continually creeping away may make them fear that you are going to disappear at any random time.
 
Don’t feel guilty
 
It is very hard to be separated from your child if they are distressed but it is just not possible to be there every minute and it’s not healthy for either of you to feel trapped. This is a stage and you will both get through it, you are not a bad parent to leave your child in tears but are in fact trying to bring up a healthy independent child. Be calm and reassuring on your return and take time to enjoy all the hugs and welcome.
 
 

 

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